I just had a total epiphany about myself and, as I was writing that post, I found it being overtaken by the story of the shitty ex-boyfriend I had last year. So, instead of letting that happen, I have decided to give a brief rundown of that story first before posting about my little lightbulb moment.

My ex-boyfriend was a verbally abusive narcissist, and our entire relationship was next level toxic. It was my decision to end the relationship, and I have zero feelings towards him whatsoever. I don’t need to get into specifics, but just understand that we were both completely different people, with completely different beliefs, who wanted completely different things. It was never going to work out.

I lost myself entirely during that brief six month relationship, half of which was done long distance. I was a totally different person before I met him. I was happy being a young, independent woman. I prioritized spending time with my family and friends. I worked out once (if not twice) each day. I was loving my new job, and finally had the work-life balance I needed. I was thriving.

When I started to see my ex, my entire life flipped upside down in a sense. We started off doing long distance, which involved me hopping on a three hour flight to see him once every few weeks (keep in mind I am also working a mix of 12 hour days/nights at this time). A few months later, he came to visit me on a one way ticket, and never left. I’m not even kidding, I had to go to Europe in order for him to finally go home. He came in and started over taking my space, which is already enough to send the average person over the edge. We spent nearly every single day together for two months, and were “roommates” more than anything. I’m not going to lie, it made me hate him.

I lost all sense of routine I had built for myself in that six months. I wasn’t exercising or eating healthy like I used to. I was unhappy, felt trapped in my own home. I looked in the mirror and felt like I couldn’t even recognize myself.

Needless to say, I dumped him shortly after he returned home, and I remember feeling like I could finally breathe again. He didn’t take the break up well, obviously, but after the way he treated me in our relationship I knew I needed to separate myself completely from him. I blocked him on everything for my own sake. While I still wish him the best, I want absolutely nothing to do with him.

– k.