I’m about to go to sleep (I just came off of a night shift), and as I’m laying here, I figured I might as well just write down the thoughts that are racing through my head right now rather than trying to remember them later.

After all of the failed relationships I have had over the last couple of years, I decided to “swear off” men in 2025. I mean, not totally swear off men, but more so focus on the relationship I have with myself first. Men are a luxury, not a necessity, and I wasn’t going to start the year off by trying to force some sort of romantic connection because I was lonely. I wiped dating apps off of my phone, and decided I was going to just go with the flow. I’m a firm believer in what’s meant to be will be.

Back in high school, I was really close with this guy (I actually considered him one of my best friends). Despite our friendship, along with him dating other girls, he always kind of had a thing for me. I remember his mom telling me once, “*his name* is just waiting for you!!” Younger me was NOT having any of that, and I put placed him soooo far into my friend zone he stood no chance back then.

Him and I have kept in inconsistent contact over the last 9ish years. You know, the occasional snapchat, text message, phone call; just briefly giving each other an update on life on life. As of recently, we’ve been talking more regularly. Okay, daily, we’re talking daily. This last time he reached out to me, things seemed different. We’ve both grown up a lot over the last six years (mentally, physically, and emotionally), and we have more in common now than ever. We are in similar lines of work, which means we can easily relate to one another and empathize with what the other goes through on a daily basis. I must admit, it’s been really nice having someone to talk to everyday that makes me laugh amidst everything going on in the world right now.

We’re making plans to get together soon, and I can’t help but get the teeeniest butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. I never EVER thought I would even entertain the idea of going out with him, now look at me. I guess it’s funny how things change as we get older.

The scary part is, I could see myself falling in love with him, and I don’t think our friendship could ever recover from a failed romantic relationship. While something amazing could come of it, I could also lose one of my best friends. I just need to decide if the risk is really worth the reward.

– k.